August 20, 2010

Looking for this equilibrium of lore has lef me to a few weird zenith points today in terms of revelation. 1, there is no reason i shouldn’t be walking everyday around this grimy city of oakland at least 30 minutes. there is one massive hill i gotta climb daily towards the moon, the highway, the million headlights playing across the slipnslide lanes in frustration watching the hills before dublin and livermore coyly creeping back on the skyline.

so i tried it today, just feeling my lungs intake and expanse. watching my feet move, ignoring girls who passed, ignoring all those elements of loneliness and desire. i’m always flying into people as my cure but ten seconds alone with my turtle shell reminds me that i’m also a hermit from my own cranium, my ribs are only used for old playing cards jutted at random like childrens tricycles. i was looking at me today, its always a weird ritual. imagining these counterfactuals can await another day, today is this weird shoed monster ambling along. the only glimpses of me i have are the lunges and pauses of these kisses she sends flying towards me, pausing, noticing the bird nests slowly receding turf along the branches of my bangs. not self conscious, noooooo.

im tracking down these weird neurosis and facing them, eradicating any fears and hesitations, there is no point to live without freedom and warmth. freedom is lying there free of worry, regret, hesitation, in your arms, in the quiet joy of pure decision and confidence, tranquility and sharing, the ebb and flow of relaxation and blind energy to chase after the globe with ye.

 

first i need me

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